Exhaustion and Encouragement

This is the end of the road. Or at least that’s what you think. There is much more in store. The best is yet to come.

An eerie feeling of uneasiness suddenly comes over your body. You expected peace but all you get is nausea. Nausea with a slight mix of disbelief.  It is hard to believe that you are here again. It feels as if you have spent the past few years fighting hard to escape this hole. You have fought a long and hard battle. A battle that has left you both physically and emotionally scarred. A battle that you thought would be the final one. A battle where you expected to come out victorious. And yet, here you are again.

Your disbelief transcends into physical pain. Suddenly, you can’t breathe. Every attempt at a deep breath feels as if pins are stuck to your lungs. You can’t swallow either. Your spit gets stuck as it tries to slither down your throat. Your hands are shaking. You try to calm them by rubbing them together, but at this point, your whole body is shaking too. Your world slowly starts to turn on its axis. You are falling deeper and deeper into a spiral. Your legs feel like they are going to give out. You can feel your knees buckling and you brace for impact.

Eventually, you accept it. The feeling of perpetual tiredness is a part of your day-to-day life. You don’t even try to shake it off anymore. The dark hole has become your home. Your eyes have adjusted and it feels like the place where you are most welcome. That’s just the way life goes. You believe that these are the cards which you have been dealt with. This is the way that life goes. You have made peace with the darkness. You made a trade and now you pay the price. But it’s alright because you are still here. Still breathing.

As time goes by, you forget. You are so acquainted with the darkness that you have forgotten what light feels like. You don’t remember what it feels like to dance in the sunshine. You have forgotten the lyrics to your favourite songs. You don’t remember the melody of your favourite ballad. You’ve grown so accustomed to silence that sound means nothing to you. How could it? Why would it?

But it’s ok. The sun will rise again tomorrow. You will get up and try again. There is work to be done. There are many things that you are yet to do. You are made for greater things. The dark hole does not define you. You are the light you’ve been waiting for all along.

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